Recent Rumours:
GOLDEN BALL TROPHY SPOTTED IN CEMETERY!....12/09/05
The big story today is that though Ghost himself has not been seen, the Golden Ball, won by Ghost and the Spooks at the Rollerwars World Championships and supposedly worth 50 000 dollars (yeah right, I bet it’s just an ordinary little ball painted Gold!) has been spotted…in a cemetery! Not once, but THREE times and all in different locations! Apparently (or should that be apparition?) the Golden Ball was spotted FLOATING across a Churchyard in Barnsley north England, another in Edinburgh in Scotland and a cemetery in NEW YORK! Now I’m not one to mock the great public out there, or take a pop at bogey men, specially the size of Ghost, but I think some of you have been mixing with the wrong spirits here, the liquid ones! Let’s see some evidence, eh? WHERE’S THE PHOTOS! (Whoops, just been informed that the Golden Ball is actually insured for nearly a hundred grand...Yeah right, and Wayne Rooney loves the Irish!)
Meanwhile, it seemed that yet another member of Danny D’s losing finalists seemed to be winning in the pulling stakes just like Danny and the Jemeral (Big Brother minger or not Jem, a pull is a pull!) Little Chris THE CUTTER Diamond, he’s the short tough guy with the bandy legs but the one no one could put on the deck, has been spotted with no less than THREE different women in the last week…sorry to inform you Diamond fans, and The Cutter himself, but we now know that one was his sister, one his mother and the other his Grannie!...And we know that he’s no Wayne Rooney so he won’t be going out with any of his grannnie’s friends either! And who said Rock and Roll was dead…Oh, yeah, I did…
And news on DR HA HA for you loony toon fans…He’s still locked up after a failed attempt by team mate DR SICK to free both him and JUNIOR DOC!. We hear that Doc Sick had formulated a very cunning plan…he had rented a white van, put stickers down the side saying ‘LAUNDRY’ then drove nearly two hundred miles to help his crazy buddies escape…having found the said ‘secure hospital’ All Saints, he then put his cunning plan into operation…He broke into the laundry, took two hours to climb the seventy feet up the laundry shoot to the seventh floor, sneaked down what must have seemed like miles of corridors until he eventually found Ward 7, then, having got through various secured doors and buzzer systems found…a geriatric ward! Right hospital, wrong city you crazy fool!...Mind you, all was not lost as when Doc Sick got back to his van, someone had filled it with nice clean crispy bed linen and crispy white bath towels and apparently he’s doing a roaring trade down his local market…
Finally, we are happy to inform everyone that another member of the HA HA team, DR DICK, is recovering from the injuries he sustained at the finals. Those of you who were there will remember that Doc Dick was injured during the very first game having scored an incredible diving slam, completely clearing the track and landing on his head! He heroically played on for the rest off the game while in a lot of pain but had to be replaced for the rest of the tournament …but, two weeks back in his strait jacket, some nice medication and regular visits from his mom seems to have worked wonders and he’s set to resume at the next games and his doctor said the bang on the head probably did him the world of good anyway…good luck Dick, we all wish you well, but unlike Doc Sick, just make sure you turn up at the right city!
More soon from the Rollerwars rumour monger…
More Rumours…. 08/09/05
So, still no sign of GHOST, but more worrying for the owners of ROLLERWARS is that the Golden Ball that Ghost won at the recent World Championships at Birmingham’s NIA, thought to be worth around 50,000 dollars, has also gone missing! Apparently the ball was passed around for photos when over 300 hundred fans stayed behind to meet the players and get autographs…and the last person seen with the ball was a large spooky man in a white suit with a very white face who seemed to just disappear before everyone’s eyes!…Now I’m not brave enough to take on anything from ‘the other side’, but hey Ghost, if you’re reading this, before you go out on your night job of haunting houses, can we have our ball back please!?
And talking of late nights, DANNY DIAMOND was again seen strutting his stuff at the recent Mercury Music Awards…and neither KATHY KRIMSON or long time girlfriend VERA VAMP were anywhere to be seen…but DANNY seemed pretty close to a very tasty rising soap star who’s well known tough guy actor boyfriend will not be too pleased when he finds out! Come on Danny, cut out the playing up and get back on the track!!
Second in command on DANNY’S team, THE JEMERAL seems to be following in his leaders footsteps and was also spotted at the awards paying special attention to one of the Big Brother girls, though he seemed a little embarrassed to be seen with her and arranged to meet her in a cab at the back of the building! Good move Jemeral, good move, we know which one she is and we’d be embarrassed too….Minger was just one of the more polite words used!
The makers of the new Bond movie were quick to deny our recent story that Knightmare was in the running to play the secret agent. They said that they had merely asked the master of cool if he would give lessons in coolology to the yet unnamed actor who will eventually play the part. Knightmare is said to be considering the offer. Looks like if he turns it down the gig will go to Samuel L Jackson…
Meanwhile sad news for Dr HA HA fans…He’s been recaptured! He was caught trying to drive the London Eye back home from where he came! When arrested he claimed to have permission to take the giant wheel and said that he would have made a clean get-away except he couldn’t find the handbrake! Crazy guy or what!? The handbrake is between the seats you klutz!...We’ll let his adoring fans know which institute he’s in and let them know the visiting times, though knowing the mad Doc, he won’t be held for long, strait jacket or not!
Finally, happier news for Dr Ha Ha’s best pal and second in command JUNIOR DOC… His pet rabbit has given birth to no less than seven little bunnies! Junior Doc was given the rabbit to look after as part of his on going therapy (actually, this was the fifth rabbit, the other four failing to re-appear from various hats he put them into whilst trying to develop a magic act for his fellow inmates!). Junior is said to be delighted and is looking forward to the day he can get them house trained as at the moment they are living with him in his padded cell and apparently there’s a bit of a whiff around the place!
More soon…
Previous Rumours:
Ghost and the Golden ball go missing!
The Rollerwars Rumour Mill…01/09/05
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